INYOU WINDOW, October, 2006: “What God Has Done: A Journal”
In July, Jason Loveless called about an opportunity for a Men’s retreat in Texas. Within a day God had given me a message even before I was officially asked to be the speaker: “How God Sees a Man, How God Feeds a Man, How God Leads a Man.” A few days later, He gave me a song about the beatitudes and brokenness (listen to the attachment as captured LIVE at the men’s retreat). The message outlines the journey I’ve been on for three months now. I decided to just journal this month and account for God’s amazing work…WOW!
What began as a feeling of discontentment and uselessness has resulted in a mighty work of God to His glory! In August, I was self-focused, pouting and feeling depressed, when I remembered Mike Wells saying that looking at my past was like digging in a cow patty. True! It stinks! About that time I was reading Dan Stone’s book (Dr. Jim Herrin gave me), which suggested that God uses discouragement in our lives in order to teach us to love Him with His kind of unconditional love—His love loving Him back! That nailed me. I wasn’t loving Him purely.
On Sept. 3, my journal reads:
“God I want my life to be that simple. Can it be? Can I test it? I pray for a simple plan, new understanding and a strong faith to believe and live in Your Reality. To love. To set my mind on things above. To be faithful in the little things. To experience Your power to others through me. Forgive me..You have… Restore me… will You?”
I must admit that my journey has also been spiritually directed by Henry Blackaby’s Experiencing God, which has almost day-to-day been in my face with God’s truth and where I am on this journey! Okay, so on to the journal and the culmination of events!
October:
1—A man at a businessmen’s lunch said we humble ourselves by “casting my cares upon Him” (1 Peter 5:7).
2—Henry Blackaby says when God speaks, NOW is the time to respond! “But what about my house? My wife? My kids? I read:”a smoldering wick He will not put out” (Mt. 12:21).
3—A man said, “Things are established. We don’t see with our eyes and hear with our ears, but with our minds. God must renew our minds by His Spirit that we might see and hear rightly.” I needed that!
9—A former youth from TX, Kyle Jackson, called for counsel. We had a great talk and I invited him to the men’s retreat in TX. He called back to offer his services on the INYOU website. A HUGE need!
10—Dr. & Mrs. Colburn paid my painting invoice with one check and gave INYOU a large gift with another check, which came a day after Tim Holden needed a flight schedule change to go to the Men’s Retreat in TX with me. I passed the money on to him and his wife who are in seminary. It paid their power bill!
11—Scott spoke at the Wofford College FCA meeting. We met under the stars in a patio area that was beautiful. I simply led the group of about 45 students through a visualization of Jesus and the blind beggar from Luke 18, leaving them meditating on Jesus’ question: “What do you want me to do for you?”
15-16—Scott and two guys from Columbia, Keith Buchanan and Jason Fields (who helped me paint a house this summer), took a cool, convertible Mustang trip to “The Pretty Place” (Greenville YMCA) in the mountains for a Prayer/Writing retreat. The synergism from their visit encouraged my writing curricula. Their listening, assessing and giving time and money really deepened my conviction. Keith looked at all I have written so far and said “Why are you painting?” My answer is, “Because I am afraid.”
17— I have to surrender. I am scared of losing what I’ve worked to gain. In “Experiencing God” I read Jim Elliot’s quote: “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”
18—Read e-mails about the last INYOU WINDOW: “You have no idea how timely this was!” Spontaneously read this verse while studying for the Men’s retreat.”Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows” (Lk.. 12:7). (This also made me think of Hannah Sobeski*—without any hair!)
20-22—Men’s Retreat at Pine Cove Camp in Tyler, TX. On the way to the retreat I am feeling panicked and being convicted: ‘You must make major adjustments in your life to go with God.” In my journal I write: “FAITH CHANGES: 1) TWO days of ministry per week, counseling and writing.; 2) Maybe no counseling on Sunday to be with family; 3) More time with boys individually.” About that time I look for my notes I had finished the night before and they are gone. Satan’s job is to get my focus off Jesus. I choose rest, but it takes 4 phone calls to Chase and 4 hours to get the notes faxed to TX. I begin to have a strong feeling that all my notes were too deep, too personal, too emotional; that the 140+ men would be unresponsive, think me a basket case…I should go home!
21— God meets me Sat. AM before I speak and says, “The word for this weekend is Jesus.” I cry. I began my first session two hours later in tears with: “The Lord, has given me a message for this weekend: How God Sees a Man, How God Feeds a Man and How God Leads a Man. But He has also given me a word for you this weekend: Jesus. How does God see a man? Jesus. How does God feed a man? Jesus. How does God leads a man: Jesus.” It all came together in my weakness and God’s power. After the first session, one man said, “When you said the word is Jesus, it was like the Spirit moved in.” Another man in our small group moved from “lost” to “found” in Christ! That night, Tim shared his and Gina’s testimony about his hellish affair 3 years ago. Brokenness and healing abound. There wasn’t a dry eye when Tim read this note Gina left in his suitcase:
Dear Precious Tim,
I love you so much and I am so proud of you! I know that God is going to use you in a powerful way this weekend. I’m going to miss you so much. I can’t stand it when we are apart! Please know that I am going to be lifting you up daily. I can’t wait until Sunday night when we are back together again!
I pray that this weekend will be a life-changing weekend for you as well. Just have an open heart ready to let the Holy Spirit work in you and through you. Just remember that God loves you and delights in you, and so does your wife and children. You are the head of our family and we are not complete without you, so hurry home. I love you baby. God Bless You! I need you, I respect you my godly husband.
Love forever,
Gina
22— Tim and I wrote the first two devotions for a 30-day Men’s retreat follow-up on the plane. God confirmed the message through Gen. 3! That night I woke up twice in the night screaming. I don’t remember the dream, but fear was involved.
23— I called a family meeting and told Kelli and the boys that I have been convicted for a while and needed to surrender to God in obedience even if it costs the new house, etc. I will take Friday’s off painting, to write. That night, again, I dreamed I was caught in a tsunami—huge waves and trees. I awoke screaming.
24— This morning I awoke and read Isaiah 40:12: “who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand.” I asked Chase where I was in my dream. He correctly replied, “In God’s hand.” Zach Herrin called for encouragement while I was painting and together we refocused on being content with who God made us and what God has called us to. He was a real encouragement.
25— Jason called to tell me he’s made some connections with youth ministers about the curricula.
26— Re-do e-mail and begin web host switching with Kyle. Receive e-mail about writing a curricula for some people in Peru. Ironically, the Laser Printer I have had for 7 years begins smudging ink on every page.
27— My first Friday off painting to write. Meet for breakfast with Seth Buckley (FBC, Spart. YM) about where we are and my desire to write again. He asked for a list of curricula. Keith called to share a vision for a “Better Man Conference.” It was encouraging to share this week’s WILD journey.
29— Meet with Seth again about a YM meeting Nov. 13 where he will let 90+ YM’s know about INYOU curricula. Valerie and Brittney (Converse College girls) were a real encouragement at Bible Study.
31— While the kids were trick-or-treating, a neighbor friend and I talked about God’s bringing us to a point in ministry where we have to say, “OK, God, I’m done. You take control!” Then God does. Just another friendly reminder that we can do nothing of ourselves, but only what we see the Father doing.
*NOTE: Hannah Sobeski was crowned “Homecoming Queen” at Dorman High School on Friday, Oct. 13. A standing ovation was offered by the large crowd as Hannah stood on the field, hairless, at her father’s arm. On Sunday morning, Oct. 15, her tumor had doubled in size and treatment for now has ceased. New treatments are being sought. Please pray for God’s presence and nearness to be sensed. For more information, you can visit Hannah’s website.
