Counseling Sessions: 26
Nov. 2-10– RETURN to PERU to train pastors from several villages outside Chupa, Puno, PERU.Nov. 11, Dec. 2, 16–Hope Point PARENT of TEENS Small Group.
Dec. 5-6– “Taste of Christmas” Turkey Fry and Prisoner Meal.“Taste of Christmas” Turkey Fry and Prisoner Meal.
Cooper attended his last Children’s Ministry bonfire this month–a sad milestone for Mom and Dad (boo-hoo)–and is still enjoying the FBC Spart. Children’s choir/mission ministry. He is developing a heart for missions. At a Dorman HS football game, Cooper walked the stands and filled a “rice bowl” with donations for orphans in India. He’s finishing up AYSO soccer, taking piano lessons from Granny. Carson and Chase both continue to improve their PR’s in cross-country–Carson: 19:29, and Chase: 17:10. Dorman went undefeated in the regular season, won 1st in County (both JV & Varsity; Chase finished 6th overall in the race!) and 1st in Region (Chase finished 8th overall). The state meet is Nov. 3rd.Chase performed 8 shows as Ramdass, an Indian servant, in Spartanburg Youth Theatre’s Little Princess, and competed as Matt, the main character in When Men Wear Skirts, in a school theatre competition in Rock Hill. His and Carson’s D-Groups (discipleship w/FBC) began again for the year and their desire is to “go deeper” into knowing Christ.Kelli turned our back porch into an outdoor living room. Perfect for the beautiful fall weather we’ve enjoyed!
What do you want? Do you want to have your cake and eat it too? (What does that mean?!) What I mean is do you want the presence and glory of Christ in your life while still holding on to your sin, self, and your own stubborn way? It doesn’t work that way. God is “pro-choice” in that He has permitted freedom of choice; but He is also irreversibly “pro-life” for He is Life! We are free to choose, but we are not free to choose the consequence, “for the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life” (Rom. 6:23). Choose one.On Oct. 21, our pastor, Richard Smith, spoke on the verses which “fill in the blanks” between Hebrews 11:29 & 30: Numbers 13-14 (Listen online: www.hopepoint.org) I saw myself in that faithless gap, in the same downward spiral of those freshly-delivered Israelites. While the Promised Land (just as “the precious promises” of participation in Christ, 2 Pet. 1:3-4) stood before them, they couldn’t get their eyes off the obstacles and themselves:
STAGE 2. “We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes” (13:33)STAGE 3. “All the Israelites grumbled against Moses” (14:2)
STAGE 4. “If only we had died… Wouldn‘t it be better for us to go back …to Egypt” (14:2-4).
That’s how it happens in me. The task or call seems too great; I feel too small; I complain, complain; I stumble backwards and return to start. Faith is required to possess that which is already promised in Christ. In contrast, Joshua & Caleb cried:
“The land…is exceedingly good… The Lord will lead us…and will give it to us… Only do not rebel…and do not be afraid… because we will swallow them up… Their protection is gone, but the Lord is with us.” –Numbers 13:7-9
Although their faith would be realized in possessing the Land, Moses sought a higher promise…the face (the glory) of God! His concern was not that the Israelites wanted to stone him to death, but that if God justly punished His children through death, His name and fame would be tarnished in the eyes of their enemies. Moses sought God’s fame, not his own. (See 14:13-19)Whose glory do you (and I) want? Faith is rewarded with the desire of one’s heart. In the end, Israel got what they wanted: death and separation from their children (compare 14:3 & 28-29). Joshua & Caleb got what they wanted: the land flowing with milk and honey! And Moses got the greatest reward: “The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with a friend” (Ex. 33:11). What do you want?
What a month for marriages! It’s very disheartening to watch them “grow apart.” Walls go up to protect what feels threatened, however, the thing protected is what has to be confronted and dealt with! (It’s what God is using the other mate to reveal in you!) Self-life is self-preserving like that. (It’s also self-sustaining and self-destructing!) We cling to the very thing that’s causing our misery. We defend our insanity and if we were to win, what is the prize? Loneliness, rejection, isolation, guilt…more of the same feelings we feared would overtake us, the same feelings we were trying to protect ourselves from in the first place. Ironic.
I still see people reinventing their childhoods, even if it was traumatic and they hated it. Whatever the identity message was they experienced at a feeling level as a child, they continue to live out of in their adult life. They spent their childhood digging the trench they will travel in their whole life. They expect their life to continue its misery. As a result, they create in their mate the very behavior they hate, because they cannot trust what their mate does and says. It doesn’t fit what they expect; it’s not “normal!” They push and push until their mate bends (or cracks) to their will, then they exclaim, “Aha! See!? I knew it!”I get the picture of a lot of marriages being a tug-of-war match. I see two people with their heels trenched into the sand and pulling hard against the “ties that bind.” They are fighting for their self-lives and they are not about to let go. If they lose, they may lose “everything.” Oh yeah? What are they gaining now? What do they get out of holding on to their stubbornness? Blisters, pain, stress, heart-aches and pains! My advice? “Keep pulling and straining and trying to win and see what you risk losing then…Everything!”A young, unmarried couple described it well: “We were playing checkers and we got down to the last two checkers on the board. We were in a stalemate because neither of us wanted to lose to the other. Back and forth we moved the same two checkers and there was nothing else we could do! We were stuck, just like we are now [in our relationship].” “Oh, but there is another option; something you can do,” I said, thumbing through my New Testament in search of a “proof text” form Luke 9:23-24. “Let the other person win?” wife-to-be wisely replied. “Yes!” “If anyone is willing to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow Me. Whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, will find it.”
I envision this couple leaving the counseling session in tears of relief and joy. There is a lift in their spirit. They are holding hands (and it‘s comforting, not clinging). The burden is lifted and their fight is over. The stress is gone because they surrender to The Almighty and there is no more resistance. They see now that their problem was not their problem, only a revelation of the real problem. They now realize that their covenant in marriage was not made between each other, but between each individual and God. They recognize the significance of God’s commandments: Love (for him) and Submit (for her). Love her enough to give up yourself for her! Respect him as you would the Lord Himself, for he IS your head!Listen, the fear of submission to your husband is far greater than the actual surrender. The fear will flee when the will is yielded. And the resistance to loving your wife builds higher walls of self-hatred and isolation than the ones keeping you from her. Choose the smaller wall and love! Jesus is the Way and every other way is not the way. He is the super glue that holds all things together. (Just this week, Kelli had to super glue back together a decoration the boys knocked off a shelf which spelled “FAMILY.” It made me think of this truth.) I believe God is more interested in your losing your self-life in the small battles than your winning the big war on your own.
This is why I have come to believe that God’s primary purpose for marriage on earth is to prepare us for eternity (and there is no marriage in heaven, because marriage isn’t perfect)! It’s method is death! In God’s Kingdom, death to self leads to life in Christ. Yes, marriage is God’s cruel tool to kill you, “so that the life of Christ might be manifested in your mortal body!” (2 Cor. 4:11). The sooner your die to self, the quicker you let the cruel Roman cross have it’s way with you, the sooner Jesus will be made known to and through you. Remember, the genius of the Roman cross was that the strongest man died the longest death. Jesus gave up His spirit without seeking to save Himself.Hannah Whitall Smith says nothing comes to us except through the permissible hand of God. The “all things” of Romans 8:28 means ALL things.
Whatever has brought your marriage to where it is right now, has been permitted to bring you to Christ! Yield to it and see. Amen!
“Ministry Update”
Counseling Sessions: 26
Homes 4 Life is a home for 18-21 year old boys who have matured out of foster care in NC & SC. Each week InYou provides individual and group sessions. This month, Dr. Lyda Simmons and I facilitated 3 group sessions and 6 individual sessions.
is a home for 18-21 year old boys who have matured out of foster care in NC & SC. Each week provides individual and group sessions. This month, Dr. Lyda Simmons and I facilitated group sessions and individual sessions.“Living in the Now.” I’m still writing a book which should be ready by year’s end. InYou will need about $5000 to complete this project.
I’m still writing a book which should be ready by year’s end. InYou will need about $5000 to complete this project.Sept. 2–I taught my parents’ Sunday School class at FBC, Columbia, focusing on Isaiah 48-49. My message centered on 48:11, where God says He will not share His glory.
I taught my parents’ Sunday School class at FBC, Columbia, focusing on Isaiah 48-49. My message centered on 48:11, where God says He will not share His glory. Sept. 16–I taught my grandma’s Bible Class at FBC, Columbia. I also began Fall PARENT Meetings for Hope Point Comm. in our home.
I taught my grandma’s Bible Class at FBC, Columbia. I also began Fall PARENT Meetings for Hope Point Comm. in our home.Sept. 20– “Unwind, Unmask, Unbelievable!” Spart. Co. Youth Ministers’ Lunch and Fellowship in our home. Will Gunter shared his testimony about giving up tobacco and resting in Christ. He asked me to…
– “Unwind, Unmask, Unbelievable!” Spart. Co. Youth Ministers’ Lunch and Fellowship in our home. Will Gunter shared his testimony about giving up tobacco and resting in Christ. He asked me to…Sept. 28– Share “How Christ Grows InYou” with Bethlehem Bapt. Youth Workers in our home.
– Share “How Christ Grows InYou” with Bethlehem Bapt. Youth Workers in our home. Sept. 30–Hope Point PARENT Mtg.
Hope Point PARENT Mtg.Oct. 11–Dorman HS FCA Breakfast. Speak and feed a lot of teens… including Chase!
Dorman HS FCA Breakfast. Speak and feed a lot of teens… including Chase!Oct. 14–PARENT Mtg. at Oak Brook Prep.
PARENT Mtg. at Oak Brook Prep.Nov. 2-10– RETURN to PERU to train pastors from several villages outside Chupa, Peru. STILL NEED $1500.Dec. 2–Hope Point PARENT Mtg.
Hope Point PARENT Mtg.
Prayerfully consider supporting InYou and/or providing opportunities to share the message of “Christ in you.”
Cooper is playing soccer, taking piano lessons from Granny and enjoying the FBC Spart. Children’s choir ministry.
is playing soccer, taking piano lessons from Granny and enjoying the FBC Spart. Children’s choir ministry.Carson and Chase both ran PRs (personal records) in the Milliken “Eye Opener” (an annual 5K race for some of the best high school and college teams in SC & NC). Carson: 20:45, and Chase: 18:00. Chase later PR’d again in the Coach’s Classic in Columbia with 17:52. So far, Dorman is undefeated in regional meets. (I also PR’d in a 5K in Columbia with 19:47 and won $50 cash for 1st in Master’s Div.! Chase won 1st in the whole race and Carson 1st in his age division! I am registered for my first marathon in Myrtle Beach, 2/16/08, and hope to qualify for Boston Marathon.)
and both ran PRs (personal records) in the Milliken “Eye Opener” (an annual 5K race for some of the best high school and college teams in SC & NC). Carson: 20:45, and Chase: 18:00. Chase later PR’d again in the Coach’s Classic in Columbia with 17:52. So far, Dorman is undefeated in regional meets. (I also PR’d in a 5K in Columbia with 19:47 and won $50 cash for 1 in Master’s Div.! Chase won 1 in the whole race and Carson 1 in his age division! I am registered for my first marathon in Myrtle Beach, 2/16/08, and hope to qualify for Boston Marathon.)Chase has been cast as Ramdass, an Indian servant, in Spartanburg Youth Theatre’s Little Princess, and is also enjoying theatre in school. His and Carson’s D-Groups (discipleship w/FBC) began again for the year and their desire is to “go deeper” into knowing Christ.
Kelli says her 4th grade class has lots of personality! She was out late several nights this month recording a CD with the band at Hope Point.
says her 4 grade class has lots of personality! She was out late several nights this month recording a CD with the band at Hope Point.
“Wouldn’t it look weird if you were kneeling in a room, moving your hand around in little circles and poking at the air like a mini-jackhammer?” I asked Doug. He just laughed. He knew what I was inferring. We had been painting wrought iron gates with 1” brushes for five hours, focusing on the tedious task before us and saying very little to one another. What if we were making all the same movements but without paint, brushes or iron gates? (Weird thought.)
Sometimes life feels that way. Like you’re going through the motions but there is nothing to show for it. Meaningless. If there were no progress, no measurable sign of accomplishment, no purpose for the process, then the task would feel pointless. Do you ever feel that way? It makes me want to change what I’m doing, doubt what I’ve done and wonder what I’m supposed to do. It feels like time is standing still and running out all at the same time. It feels like a waste of time! “Carson, would you ever sprint full speed, jump as high as you can and land on the ground chest-first like a Superman?” He smiled. (I think he might.) “Yet we had just watched a grown man on that football field do it.” What makes people do that? The ball? The game? The crowd? I believe it has something to do with purpose. It’s not what we do, but why we do it that makes our doing meaningful.It’s possible to loose the vision for why we do what we do. Faith sees the purpose in the process when there is no visible progress, no measurable sign of accomplishment: “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. [What’s the purpose?] For those He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son…” (Rom. 8:28-29). JESUS is the glory of God manifested in us! This is why I “labor until Christ is formed in you” (Gal. 4:19).
“Gutsy Quotable”“I spend my days in the midst of others’ utter hopelessness, an endless stream of failures and fighting and frustration, which seeks out and finds every hiding, lingering, rotting, stinking ounce of my life’s bitter hopelessness and brings it right to the surface…And when I bring my whole nasty self to the party day after day, picking people up off the streets, beaten and bloodied, chaining them to my radiator, and loving them back to life with wild, untamable enthusiasm, I get to go to a lot of weddings when the time is just right, and I feel very alive.” –Unknown
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